Chapter 38: Valentine's Day

My husband...he's kind of in trouble.

It all started because he had to leave town on Valentine's Day. Now for real, I could care less about this holiday. I usually have a love/hate relationship with holidays because our marital track record isn't great with forced holidays and gifts.

But there's something about E that's been changing over the years. He's gotten a little more creative and much more sensitive.

This morning he kissed me goodbye before he left for the airport in the wee hours. I was up through the night feeling sick so I went back to sleep when he left. I felt more and more sick as the morning progressed and I couldn't get out of bed.

I don't know about you but when I'm physically sick I sometimes wrestle with just feeling yucky about a lot of things. Doubts about all kinds of things creep in and dance around my mind. I'm plagued by my everlasting to do list that is swirling down the toilet.

In the midst of it I got more and more mad at Eric for being gone on this ridiculous holiday that I don't even like. The more I laid there feeling sick the more I wrestled with the anger.

I got out of bed at 3:15 pm. And at that point in the afternoon I had to force myself to get up.

Still feeling horrendous I took the kids out for dinner because we had coupons...and I forgot to buy them valentines. They also worked hard on school while I wasted the day in bed so I wanted to reward them.

During dinner my precious little people decided to go around the table and share "what they love about Mom." They were so sweet.

After dinner we went to BSF. Normally I'd have probably skipped BSF at this point but I had "tape time" (where I stay late and watch the volunteers kids so they can hear the lecture) after class.

The lecture tonight pulled me out of my funk. The Scriptures came alive and I was reminded from Isaiah that when my flame is about to extinguish that God stokes the small ember and makes the flame thrive again.

My flame was about to go out but Jesus wasn't going to let it. I remember saying to Eric in a text earlier today that I was at a "breaking point." And during the lecture she said "When we are at our breaking point He will not let it happen. He will never reject us. When our wick is low, he fires it back up. Trust Him and know Him intimately."

Wow. My day was redeemed and Jesus kept me from my breaking point.

Fifteen minutes after I got home from BSF Eric sent me an email. The subject line was, "My Gift."

So Pam, I am probably going to be in huge trouble for this, but this morning as I was driving to the airport, I had a smashing idea. As soon as I made it through security, I sent an email out to a few friends and family members to ask for some help in writing a love letter to you.

I explained that after being with you for 20 years, I'd like to think that I know you better than anyone else on this earth, but that knowing anyone so well also includes an awareness of their blemishes, which can distort ones view of a person's true heart. I then asked these folks to help me discover (or rediscover) a new appreciation for you by having each of them share how that you have touched their lives in special ways. So in a way, this is a love letter from me and many others who love you very much.

Happy Valentines Day!

What followed was a whole bunch of words that touched my heart so deeply. I'm still crying as I reflect on the sentiments written.

He didn't put any names by the words and just a few were easy to identify. So thank you. Thank you to all my friends and family who quickly responded to E's "smashing" idea.

You made my day. You have no idea how much your words filled me up.

And thank you, Jesus. The battle in my heart this morning was won in a way I could not have imagined. The doubts, mistakes I've made, things I hate about myself and dwelled on were all washed away by kind words. Only Jesus knew what I needed tonight.

Eric knows me better than he lets on. This gift was better than flowers or chocolate (gasp!). :)

Comments

You don't know me and heck, it's over two months after you even wrote this- but it's what I NEEDED today! Thank you for your gift to me :) The Lord is aware of each of us, and loves us more than we could ever imagine! Thanks again!

Posted by: Candice | April 19, 2011 at 09:04 PM

While I know it's April, I just read this and....bawled!!!!!! Thanks for sharing. Beautiful in so many ways. God is so good!!!!

Posted by: alaina | April 02, 2011 at 08:22 PM

this is so good pammie.
e is doing well.
what a fabulous gift....so sentimental.
so romantic.

Posted by: meg duerksen | March 01, 2011 at 03:57 PM

Beautiful Daddy! Love it!

Laughing
-Ry

Posted by: Ry | February 21, 2011 at 01:27 PM

Um, that was awesome.

Eric you rock!

Pam, so do you!

That story was good for my heart! :)