crazy busy trying to jump through hoops for the relocation company, working on the COBRA stimulus paperwork from our health insurance during unemployment, organizing medical bills out the wazoo...all the while the kids are bouncing off the walls and NOT focusing on their school work...but they are doing a great job of focusing on annoying each other.
we're supposed to be done with school next tuesday.
BUT THAT WOULD BE IF THEY FOCUS.
which probably means i have to focus with them.
i hate days where i have so much other junk to finish up.
the girls and i spent 3 hours last night making cute little pioneer dolls out of tube socks.
they don't have mouths or hair yet.
but that's beside the point. half the time lucy doesn't wear clothes either. ;)
they are turning out pretty cute.
this also is lingering over my head because the girls REALLY want to finish them. like 6 hours ago.
and they want to go to the library. because the 78 books we checked out last week are old news and they've read them all.
and they want to go swimming. but they can't do that until school is complete.
and i'm trying to get out of town by morning so Alex can participate in her last recital in Newton. which means i need to make sure eric has enough food here to stay alive for 2 days.
he's crazy busy trying to prepare for a huge annual audit that was apparently postponed an extra 6 months because there wasn't an "eric" there to do it. he worked saturday and yesterday and will probably work late every night this week. (and really, it's not like this all the time at this plant. we are SO, SO grateful for a job. NOT complaining here, just a statement of life)
so, since i was going crazy already, i'm blogging so i can avoid all the things i need to do today.
and next week i'll be wondering what to do with our time. trying to avoid going through boxes of mail from the LAST time we moved.
(great, as i'm typing another 42 page document came in from the relocation company that has to be filled out and returned. i needed more to do. ;) )
a friend gave me this little sign a couple of weeks ago. i read it every time i go in the bathroom.
another friend said to me in an email, "come home." i'd like to. urgh.
but this is where i'm supposed to be. right here in the middle of kansas city.
today i was reading to the kids...
"Moses heard the whining, all those families whining in front of their tents. God's anger blazed up. Moses saw that things were in a bad way.
11-15 Moses said to God, "Why are you treating me this way? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Did I conceive them? Was I their mother? So why dump the responsibility of this people on me? Why tell me to carry them around like a nursing mother, carry them all the way to the land you promised to their ancestors? Where am I supposed to get meat for all these people who are whining to me, 'Give us meat; we want meat.' I can't do this by myself—it's too much, all these people. If this is how you intend to treat me, do me a favor and kill me. I've seen enough; I've had enough. Let me out of here."
as i heard myself read those words they began to resonate with me.
i've felt like i've been in the wilderness here. and i've been screaming out to god that i've had enough. get me out of here. i can't be the mom anymore. i can't be the wife. i'm tired of moving. i'm tired of selling houses and meeting relocation companies' expectations. i'm tired of the loneliness. i'm tired of it all. let me out of here. take me home. to iowa. to newton. wherever home is (i don't even know anymore).
and later in the passage, "God answered Moses, 'So, do you think I can't take care of you? You'll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not." (Numbers 11:11-15, 23, The MESSAGE)
i realized the way i've been feeling was doubting God. doubting he knows what is best for us. doubting that this is good for me. i am being ungrateful for the opportunity to grow and for my kids to move outside their comfort zones (and mine) all over again.
today i'm refocusing. i'm trying to be thankful. i'm trying to see this all as good.
Believe it or not we found a place that beats Sonic burgers and tots. Grand Stand - a little burger joint on a busy corner in Kansas City, KS. My friend Celesta was in town and we took the kids to lunch - the best ever!
It was an old-time little place with outdoor seating. Everyone was so friendly and Lucy enjoyed going back inside to chat with the owner.
After our old-fashioned burgers we helped plant some flowers. The kids worked hard and burned off a ton of energy (yay).
Yesterday was a fun day! We ended it with another trip to the library (after 3 trips last week and none so far this week we were due).
this picture is deceiving. the boy had just thrown a huge, mongo fit and the dog was on my hit list after running off saturday morning and being found just before the police arrived (2 HOURS of searching).
they look so happy and relaxed...lazy. (they probably were just tired from the tantrum and the 2 hour exploration)